Found out jokes

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.

The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"

The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."

The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."

I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide

Me: Aren't they the same thing?

Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.

I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.

I found out how to gain millions of followers.

Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.