Food jokes
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked up.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
Don't tell me different methods of preparation are the same ever again.
So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."
Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."
Did you know the food that was on the plane?
It was the bomb.
You guys know BeReal?
BeReal? More like cereal.
Get it? BeReal = cereal.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
Why can't people eat pizza? Because they will be unavailable.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop onions.
What’s the Twin Towers' favorite kind of pizza?
A: Plain.
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for buns!
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack.
Guy: Oh, what is it?
J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin.
Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Why do you not go to a gay man's BBQ?
Because the hotdogs taste like shit.