Food jokes

Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?

Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

One gets picked, and the other doesn't.

If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?

Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple actually gets picked.

Q: What did the egg do when the bacon told it a joke?

A: It cracked up!

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me...

Why do orphans not have cheese on their burgers? They don't have a dad to get milk.

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.

What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?

I want to fuck them both.

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite beverage? Milk.

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

Kaas.

What kind of number hates nuts?

17.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

What would you like as your last meal?

Fried chicken. Extra crispy.

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.