Food jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! (aka dinner)
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!
I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple!
Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
Where do smart hotdogs end up?
On the honor roll!
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: “ASPERGER’S”
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why can’t orphans eat cereal with milk? Cause mummy never gave them some.