Food preparation jokes
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
Curry.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
