My grandpa died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Answer: A FLAP.
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A fly flying backwards!
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands! (I love this joke because it never grows old.)
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
I got kicked out of flight school, so I decided to learn from the experienced pilots (Isis).
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.
"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."
And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"
The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
Yo mamma so dumb that she jumped off a building after drinking Red Bull.
What dessert do you get on September 11th?
An ice cream flight!
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.
Garuda Indonesia 421:
Sully's co-pilot:
Me: Which WiFi are we on?
Coworker: Should be floor 89.
Me: What about flight 104?
Coworker: Oh crap!
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Your eyebrows turned into little butterflies and flew away!
Plane versus plane. Who wins? Plane.
Why did the chicken cross the plane to get to the other skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lloooooooooooooooooooool?
