Flight jokes
Why did the fat man miss his flight?
His body weight exceeded the weight limit.
Who lives under the sea?
Malaysia flight 370.
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
What do you call an LGBTQ+ plane?
A biplane.
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but they always crash and burn.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.
Garuda Indonesia 421:
Sully's co-pilot:
What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?
Malaysia Flight 370.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
Me: Which WiFi are we on?
Coworker: Should be floor 89.
Me: What about flight 104?
Coworker: Oh crap!