Fish jokes
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
Sydney has a fat pair of spammy flaps that smell of fish 🎣.
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Nothing, because fish can't talk.
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.