Fish jokes
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
The ocean didn't start smelling like fish until women started swimming in it.
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
What do you call a fish that doesn't play basketball?
gay fish.
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
Baby Shark be like, "It's the END," bruh, they dead.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.