Fish jokes

What do you call a fish with two knees?

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

What is a fish without i's?

Fsh.

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

Why did LankyboxGamesJustin go to the aquarium?

Because he's gonna dance with aquayyyyrium!

Yo mama so stupid she thought seaweed was something fish smoke.

What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?

The fish can't go fast.

Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.

A fish is dead, who do you call? Aquaman!

Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?

A: Eggs.

Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?

He was rotten to the albacore.

What is Hitler's least favorite fish?

Jewfish.

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?

Catch you later!

What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?

A fishing pole.

"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?

He kept dropping the bass."