I wish my name was Voyager 2...
So I could have the first encounter with Uranus. :)
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
What was the first sport played on the moon?
Capture the flag.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
Did you hear about the gay choirboy?
He choked on his first hymn.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
