I wish my name was Voyager 2...
So I could have the first encounter with Uranus. :)
First Jokes
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What was the first sport played on the moon?
Capture the flag.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.
Did you hear about the gay choirboy?
He choked on his first hymn.
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat
What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?
Their ankles.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
