First jokes
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
Obama was America's first black president, and Trump was their first orange one.
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat
The first ever picture of a black hole got released. It sucks.
What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?
Their ankles.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?
Sally.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
What are the three worst years of a black child's life?
First grade!
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.