New First Jokes - Page 7 - Worst Jokes Ever

3 Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand. The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him. The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied,"It didn't tickle at all. I laughted at the sight the third guy was bringing over a pinapple."

When hitler killed himself he shot himself twice, the first one was operation Barbarossa and the second one was his death

Russians think they are tuffer than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this

1 USA was NEVER invaded 2 USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does! 3 USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass Russians 4 Our soldiers don’t rape kids 5 we have more Allie’s than you 6 we are smaller but stronger 7 Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

Your mama is so fat. I had to look twice to get a first impression.

My brother goes into the bar and says bartender give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey. The bartender says that's a lot of alcohol. My brother says celebrating my first blowjob. The bartender said let me buy you a drink. My brother said no this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex. I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

It’s just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, Mein Kraft.

An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree which one hits the ground first Apple cuz The Noose stops her

What do you call a Emo in the hanging gallows

Happy for the first time

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.

What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?

Holy shit, I burnt one.

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,.....Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

My cousin’s friend spelled “rasist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”