Fired jokes

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?

He was caught embezzling.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

What do you call Stephen Hawking's toes on fire?

Hot Wheels.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.

Sets fire to computer.

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.