Fired jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? "HOT WHEELS"
I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
What do all rangas have in common?
They all look like wildfires.
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
What do you call 5 gays on fire?
LGBBQ.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.