Fired jokes

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

What do you call Stephen Hawking's toes on fire?

Hot Wheels.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.

Sets fire to computer.

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.