Fired jokes

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

What do you call Stephen Hawking's toes on fire?

Hot Wheels.

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.

Sets fire to computer.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣