Fired jokes
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.
Apex Legends: exists.
Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
ENTER PASSWORD.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
RESET PASSWORD.
NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.
Sets fire to computer.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?
Hot Wheels.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.
The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."
Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"
I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"
Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"
John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.
By Lewis
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
Be careful around fire, plastic melts.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
What is red and puts out fire?
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.