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Bitch

    • An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.

    The man says, "Will you move your dog?"

    The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.

    The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"

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    • Cow

    • Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.

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    • Incest

    • A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

    The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

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    • Find memes

    Chili

    • Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.

    Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”

    Person #2: “No, you can have it.”

    Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”

    Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.

    Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”

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    • Genie

    • A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

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    • Mom

    • Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

    Loan

    • A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

    Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

    The frog says $30,000.

    The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

    Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

    The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

    Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

    She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

    The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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    • Player

    • Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.

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