Financier jokes

What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

They both thank you for your financial support.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

Mbu some guys look financially stable until you start dating them... Mbu wait I see how this week goes...🤔

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

How do women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.