Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
How do birds pay? With their bills!
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of wall street
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!
