I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Finance Jokes
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
Why did the orphan go to rob the bank? Because he wanted to be wanted! >:D
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸
You are so poor, when I pass you, you ask for spare change, and I was poor, too.
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?
Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.
Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?
He can't afford a family pack.
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.
The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.
