Fear jokes
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.