Father Jokes

The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. "It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!"

I will always remeber my dads last words.... "15 dollars and ill jump."

My father left me at a young age

He was only five

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters, I think he didn’t like it, because I challenged him to a no hands contest. He said but I don’t have any. He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage

Son:why

Father:you’ll need them there

(there was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato and a baby tomato)

Baby: wait for me!

(father tomato walks back towards the baby)

(he squishes the child)

Father: Ketchup

why did the orphan go to church? because they need a father

Dad: here u go son all ur toys have gone to the orphanage Son: why dad Dad:you would be bored there if there was not anything to do

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake but it ended up fulfilling the 5 year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids, she thought to herself, I want to have kids when Im older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!🤣🤣

I would tell a dad joke but it already left me

My son, who is into astronomy, asked my how stars die i said usually from a overdose

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Wo-man!'

My dad made up that joke. #Dad jokes

I asked my Dad the other day.."At what age is it ok to have sex with girls?"He replied "When they leave school son, they are legal" Apparently 3.15pm is not what he meant.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant. So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.

Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

Q:Why did the father through butter out the window?A:he wanted to see a butterfly

Girl 1: Dad, why is my name rose? Dad: because a rose landed on your head. Girl 2: Hey dad, why is my name daisy? Dad: because a daisy landed on your head. Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr! Dad: Oh, Hey Brick!