Father jokes

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.

How did the Java programmer's son get rich?

Because of inheritance.

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.