Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
How can you tell if your sister is on her period?
Your father's dick tastes funny.
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
What is the most difficult day in the ghetto?
Father's Day.
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
