Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? I really hit the mother lode with you.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.” The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board
“No I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken”.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again. Husband: Wait dear.. Don’t do it for the sake of our kid! Wife: Kid? Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you? Your virginity
I PUT THE FUN IN DYSFUNCTIONAL
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant. Dad: well is she already part of the family? Son: Yes, why? Dad: then there’s no need to be worried.
Knock, knock. (Whose there?) Your dad. (But my dads dead.) I know, just reminding you!
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes. A few hours later dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said “honey can you get the mashed potatoes” dad said “why she’s right here”
Does a migit count as a orphan?
