Family jokes
Your hairline is so far back, it left before your dad.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
So they could be wanted.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.