Family jokes

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They don't know what home is.

Why do orphans not play sport?

Because they need parents' permission.

I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.

Yo mama such a quitter, she di[ed].

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.

Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.

Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.

Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!

Wanna hear a joke?

YOUR MOM!

OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Why did the orphan cross the ride?

I forgot.

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.

What did Love name his daughter?

Sweetheart. ♥

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a BMW in my garage.