Family jokes
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent signature.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?
Raisin kids!
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.
What does the A stand for in "orphan, adopt" from the orphan company?
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
What does a lesbian call the other during sex?
Mummy.
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.
They were both druids.
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.
Why can't orphans open a family business?
Because there is no family.
I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
He couldn't find home.
Why can't orphans ride a bike?
'Cause their parents won't follow them.
Yo, hairline go so far back that your dad found it before you did.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.
What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."