Family jokes
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.
What's one plus one?
Yo mama.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find their home.
I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.
My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?
My dad went to get both and never came back.
My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.
Why do orphans love Dom Toretto?
Because "family is everything!"
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.
I made a website about orphans.
It didn’t have a home page!
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!