Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Q: How to hit an orphan?
A: Hit them with a family tree.
Best part about being an orphan?
Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Memes
When strict parents👍
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.
I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭
Yo mama so fat, she is fat!
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
Superman has been called to a huge house fire.
Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"
Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"
Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."
Why did the orphan cross the ride?
I forgot.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
I was born on the moon.
Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.
What did Love name his daughter?
Sweetheart. ♥
POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
Not to be rude or anything, but I'm not adopted. My boyfriend is, and some of these are really mean because sometimes their parents give them up just because they're ugly or just because of their skin color. We should stop making fun of them, and yes, I do giggle sometimes, but they can be really hurtful sometimes.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.