Family jokes
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know what home is.
Why do orphans not play sport?
Because they need parents' permission.
I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a BMW in my garage.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
Yo mama such a quitter, she di[ed].
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Wanna hear a joke?
YOUR MOM!
OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!
Yo mama so fat, she is fat!
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.
My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.