Family

Family jokes

Orphan

Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?

Because they can't get a parent's signature.

Dick

My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.

Yo mama

Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!

Memes

Superman

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

Door

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

Zoo

Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.

Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.

Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!

Dad

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

Sex

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

Baby

What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a BMW in my garage.

Mum

Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?

Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.

Death

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.