Family jokes
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Ashley Home Store.
Roses are red, Violet are blue, Ur dad bought you.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why do orphans like emos?
Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball??
Because they can’t find their way to home plate.
Boy: The F in orphan stands for family.
Orphan: But there’s no F in orphan.
Boy: Exactly!
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?
A: Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
What do you call an orphan?
An orphan.
"Yo mama so bad we gotta switch to yo papa."
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.