Family jokes
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
This is my brother after getting a girlfriend
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
Why can't orphans play on a computer?
'Cause they have no motherboard.
When orphans go to school, they can’t get parent pickup.
Why does the orphan go to church? He needs someone to call father.
What show do orphans hate the most?
Fullerb
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
Why can’t orphans go to a field trip?
Parent signature: __________
My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.
Why do orphans want a phone so bad?
Because it has a home button.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked!
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
Q: What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
A: Apples get picked.
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.