Family jokes
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
Why did the orphans have in common? They both don't have parents.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
What can’t orphans do in baseball? Go to home.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.
The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.
Yo mama so FAT...
That when she had sex with you...
Your balls turned to pancakes.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it comes back.
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
Why can't orphans become YouTubers?
They don't have electricity!