Family jokes
Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Yo mama is so ugly that James Charles rejected her.
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.