Family jokes

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?

B: Because today we had a parent meetup.

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!

Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.

He never sees his kids.

What were my great grandpa's last words?

"SHIT MG42!!!"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find their way home.

If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.

I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn’t have a homepage.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

I saw a little boy begging for money.

I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents!"

Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.

Why does an orphan only have a Samsung? Because it doesn't have a home button!

Why can't orphans steal bases?

Because they can't find home.

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?

Because it has no home button.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.