Family jokes

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?

Long sleeves.

When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.

I was doin' your mom, yes yours!

I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.

How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.

How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.

Yo mama's so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.