Family jokes

What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where the home is.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

Family are together playing charades.

Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?

A: The pizza can support a family of four.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?

Long sleeves.

When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.

I was doin' your mom, yes yours!

I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."