Family jokes
I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.
If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.
If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
I saw a little boy begging for money.
I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents!"
Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.
An orphan went on a game show.
The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Why do orphans hate cricket?
Because they can't get a "homerun."
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem. 🎤😎
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Because he doesn’t know where home is.