Family jokes

So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?

"Him and his dead family." :(

What is the difference between an Orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."

Why do orphans like belts?

They remind them of their father.

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?

So they can spell "home."

I made a website about orphans.

It didn’t have a home page!

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To reunite with his parents.

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!