Family jokes
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?
My stepdad did beat cancer.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
I sucked your mom's anus.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
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Your hairline is as nonexistent as your dad.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know home base.
What is a "dad?"
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.
I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.