Family jokes

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.

I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.

Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?

A: "I'm calling your parents!"

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

What did the father name his daughter with no legs?

Peggy.

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

There is going to be a wild party at the orphanage, the parents aren't home.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

What is the difference between an Orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.