Family jokes

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.

What did the father name his daughter with no legs?

Peggy.

Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?

A: "I'm calling your parents!"

Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?

So they can spell "home."

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Their dad did not come back with the milk.

Why do orphans like belts?

They remind them of their father.

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

I made a website about orphans.

It didn’t have a home page!

Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.

Orphan: My parents!

Me: You know that word?