Family jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

Why do orphans like belts?

They remind them of their father.

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?

So they can spell "home."

I made a website about orphans.

It didn’t have a home page!

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To reunite with his parents.

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣

Why can orphans not play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.