Family jokes

What did the cow say to your mom?

Hello.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.

Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?

Once they're gone, they never come back.

Why can't orphans open a family business?

Because there is no family.

Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩

My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

If you play games, go play on your sister.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Why was the orphan happy that he got in trouble at school?

Because the principal was going to call his parents.

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?

A: They come back, unlike their parents.

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't find home.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.