Family jokes
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
Your mom after your dad left and never came back with the milk
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To reunite with his parents.
Why was the orphan happy that he got in trouble at school?
Because the principal was going to call his parents.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?
The orphan gets back up.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.
Orphan: "What family?"
What's a plus side to being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family size. T - T
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
What is the difference between an Orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans open a family business?
Because there is no family.