Family jokes

There is going to be a wild party at the orphanage, the parents aren't home.

Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.

Why are orphans sad?

Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because the parents are in every episode.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

He can't run home.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.

Orphan: My parents!

Me: You know that word?

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?

So they can spell "home."

What did the father name his daughter with no legs?

Peggy.

Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?

A: "I'm calling your parents!"

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.