Family jokes

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?

They go to infinity and beyond.

Worst joke Ever: What do you call a fat kom? A FAT MOM! LALALALLA!

My mom is bad and my dad is bad.

What is cold and alone?

An orphan's parent.

Why couldn’t the orphan run away from home?

Because it didn’t have one.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

Hippity hoppity, you are no one's property.

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"

The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...

We should stop.

Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?

The boomerang!

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang.

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.

Kid: Why, Dad?

Dad: So you don't get bored.

What can’t orphans do in baseball? Go to home.