Family jokes

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?

Me & my dad!

What milk do orphan babies drink?

Not their mom's, though.

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.

What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?

They’re both alone, but only one is home.

What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?

They both went down on my dad.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find their home base.

I bought an orphan iPhone 8 Plus and he said he doesn't want it 'cause it didn't have a HOME button.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

What did the orphan say to his parents?

I'm tripping balls right now!

Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.

I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?

I love working at an orphanage.

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.

Friend: Like what?

Me: My name, my address, my phone number...

Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents!

Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

What part is usually missing in an orphan’s computer system?

Motherboard.

I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.