Family jokes

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents!

I love telling jokes about orphans.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

What did the orphan say to his parents?

I'm tripping balls right now!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find their home base.

I bought an orphan iPhone 8 Plus and he said he doesn't want it 'cause it didn't have a HOME button.

What milk do orphan babies drink?

Not their mom's, though.

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?

They both went down on my dad.

I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?

I love working at an orphanage.

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.

Friend: Like what?

Me: My name, my address, my phone number...

Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!

Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.

What part is usually missing in an orphan’s computer system?

Motherboard.