Family jokes
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Yo mama so fat, Dora can't explore her.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Why can't orphans play poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why is an orphan afraid to play baseball?
They are afraid they won't find home.
What's the worst place to teach an orphan? Homeschool.
Why can't orphans watch PG?
They don't have any parental guidance.
What kind of flour do orphans use to bake bread?
Self-raising flour.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't run home.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.