Family jokes
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
The orphan wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
Boy: The F in orphan stands for family.
Orphan: But there’s no F in orphan.
Boy: Exactly!
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What flour do orphans use to bake bread?
Self-raising.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
What did an orphan say to its father?
Nothing.
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
What do you call an orphan family? None existent.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
You look too old to be living with your grandma.
What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.