Family jokes
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Are you my mommy?
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.
She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
What did the orphan say to the parent?
Oh, wait!
You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Your family in a nutshell.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.