Family jokes
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Mother.
Mother who?
Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fat moms.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?
It was family friendly.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Why did the orphan cross the ride?
I forgot.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?