Family jokes

Incest.

When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.

What did Love name his daughter?

Sweetheart. ♥

You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.

Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

My dad coming back.

I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?

"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."

What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?

If you throw them, they both will never come back.

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Do you wanna know why orphans don’t play baseball?

They don’t know what home is.

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.

Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA

My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.

We are having a sleepover and we are being as quiet as possible.

Addison: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THOSE ARE GREAT JOKES!!!

Layne: IKR

Mom: SHUT UP, YOUR BROTHER IS TRYING TO SLEEP.

Addison: ok fine.

Layne: Look at this joke.

Addison: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

*Addison and Layne continue laughing really loudly*

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.

Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!