Family jokes
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
What has two names and one big home?
A person.
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
What is it about sisters who argue?
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
What does an imouto ride?
Onii-san.
When your mum tells you to help your granny.
And you unplug life support!
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Mother.
Mother who?
Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fat moms.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?
It was family friendly.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.