Family Jokes

Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?

When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.

What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.

What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."

Why do orphans go to church?

So at least they will have someone to call father.

Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?

A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.

What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”

What’s an orphan's favorite game?

Catch.

My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where the home is.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

An orphan walks on a path asking for his mum. Soon he remembers he doesn't have a mum.

(Also, I had sex with ur mum. She was screaming "daddy~")

Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.

My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.

Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it's a family company...