Family jokes

Lil Johnny went to school and said, "Teacher, if you let me poop my pants, I will let you have my dad and his money. Will you do it, Mrs. Johnson?"

Where's your mom at?

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

What show do orphans never watch?

"Fuller House."

Why are orphans' funerals so small?

They have no loved ones.

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

Yo momma so fat!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes, and that’s when he realized... Jack had fucked Jill’s daughter.

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't reach home.

Why can't orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy".

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!

Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"

He replied, "There's no 'F'."

Me: "There's no family."

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

"Daddy's Home."

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?