Family jokes
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan?
An orphan.
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apes get picked.
Yo mama looks like the dinosaur from Lilo & Stitch.
Yo mama is so hairy that she brushed it like her hair and put pins on it.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)
Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.
Kris
Damn this shit!
Megan Thee Stallion: What!
Kris: My mother is a fucker!
The whole world:
OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why can you not let an orphan touch an iPhone 7? Because it would break if they touched the home button.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What type of pictures do orphans take?
Selfies.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Why are orphans only able to have iPhone X's? Because it doesn't have a home button.