Family jokes
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?
"Two wongs don’t make a white."
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.