I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
What cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade
Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.
What is an orphan's favorite game?
Solitaire.
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
