Family jokes
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
You were supposed to be born in the tree.
The sticks were your siblings.
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because there is no home plate.
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all shag one another.
The Inbred family.
Why do orphan kids never eat homemade food? Because they don’t even have one!
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
Why does an orphan hate playing baseball?
Because it has no home base.
Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.