Family jokes
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
"Orphans get picked."
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Your mom.
Your dad!
What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?
The baseball player knows where home base is.
What’s the difference between Apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
What is the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?
The baseball player has a home to run back to.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."