Family jokes

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

What do you call an orphan?

Homeless.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? Because they can't tell their parents.

What do orphans' parents have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

“In yo mama.”

Jake: Can I go outside?

Mom: Did you clean your room?

Jake: No.

Mom: Then f*ck no.

Jake: Alright, bet.

(Brother named No)

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

What do you call a straight orphan?

A no homeo.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

What do you say to the orphan?

"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Orphan: Hey, where's the milk?

Dad: . . .

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

Steve Kerr really named his son Nick.