Failure jokes
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
If at first you don't succeed, cheat.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
Why did the retard cross the road?
He never made it!
Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
Ben: I don't know.
Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.
People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
"If you can't win, lose."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.