Failure jokes
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
"If you can't win, lose."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
I wish I was dead like my jokes.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
You keep your quality beans for the right season till you realize that you planted them on the infertile land.
That joke didn't land well, did it?
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.