What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
What do u call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum
if you try to fail and you succeed which one did you do
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They're both pointless.
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it
Im not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Thankfully I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
i was at a milk store and ordered some milk they brought it over but spilled it on me I said that was a udder failure
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (ill never be able to do it) the mother: AI NINO ( OH CHILD ) the teen: QUE? ( WHAT?) the mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! ( DONT START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN) the teen: I CANT DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA the mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH) the teen: QUAL ( WIHCH) the mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD) the teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA ( THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE) *a phone buzzes* the teen: whose phone is that ma? unknown: MR PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE * runs to bag opens white one and sticks hand in* the teen : HAIR GELL
