Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
Your hairline is so bad that it turned Wonder Woman into Failure Man.
What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
They call me an elevator because I let people down.
A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
what's the worst thing to say to an emo?
if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
What do you call a failure in another language?
Me.
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.
I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.
I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!
